Meet the Oncologist

One week after surgery I went to meet the oncologist. I was still swollen around the incision; terribly constipated because I was taking a pain pill at night to help me sleep; and just not feeling great. I had gotten a call the day before from the surgeon telling me the margins were clear and the nodes were clear so in the back of my mind I thought the oncologist may say I didn’t need chemo or it would be mild. That didn’t happen. After waiting 45 minutes in the exam room, the Dr. came in. She immediately apologized for being late and then she got straight to it. She said, “With your results we need to start chemo as soon as possible. We are going to use 4 rounds of Adriamycin and Cytoxan (AC) and then 4 rounds of taxol. There will be side effects and you will lose your hair”. I stopped her and said I am confused because I thought the nodes were clear, she told me that there were residual tumor cells in the nodes and we need to get rid of those as soon as possible. It’s considered clear but my staging is actually 1b. “Do you want to start in 2 or 3 weeks?” I know I looked like a deer in headlights. Completely overwhelmed is an understatement. I asked her about cold-capping that I had read about. She said they were a Paxman center and I could get fitted for a cap that day. She wrote down the drugs for me so I could read more. She spent about 45 minutes answering questions that my husband and I had. She walked out to get the nurse for blood work and I looked at my husband and immediately started crying. Poor Tim. I know he was as overwhelmed as I was but he was strong and steady as usual. The nurse took my blood and then another nurse came in to fit me for the cap. I had not completed much research on the cold-cap and told her I wasn’t sure yet so she said she would fit me and then I could decide and call her back. I chose to wait 3 weeks to start chemo so I could get past the event I was planning for work and get some other things in order. My husband and I walked outside to call the kids. I know Tim did all of the talking because I was still crying. I realized then that I had been so naive. I thought I was healthy. I watched what I ate, I exercised and did yoga. I watched my weight. I took supplements everyday – How did this happen to me? I know I am not better than anyone else and lots of people have health issues but it was really hard to understand. I am 51 years old and take no medications. I get my yearly checkups and follow the rules. It just doesn’t make sense.