Treatment #4 – The Last of the Red Devil

I started this week with a wig appointment. My hair has continued to shed daily. It’s very thin and my crown is pretty bare. I feel like crying every time I brush my hair and throw away handfuls of hair. There is hair all over the floor. We have to sweep or vacuum all the time. The topper from amazon doesn’t really work any more because there is nothing to clip it to on the back of my head. Plus it was pretty uncomfortable. My daughter and husband went with me to try on wigs. It was a very weird experience. The sales associate was very nice and showed me the different options. Nothing looked like my natural hair. The dark wigs were too dark and most of the blondes were too blonde. Most of them had bangs which I haven’t had in years. I also part my hair on the right because of cowlicks and my widows peak and all of the wigs had a left or middle part. I was thankful for their opinions and support because I just felt like I looked weird. I decided to get their favorite which was a blonde wig with darker roots and no bangs. It it also had curls and looked less like a wig than the others. I felt weird when I looked in a mirror with the wig on. But not as weird as I feel everyday when I look in the mirror and see my bald crown. It makes me want to cry each time. As I have said before losing your hair is the worst side effect of all. The wig is pretty comfortable to wear. I just have to pin up my hair before I put it on. I bought a wig cap also in case I decide to wear one to help the wig grip more. I included a photo below of me with the wig on and my daughter. She’s been one of my biggest supporters through this journey.

I had my fourth and final treatment of the AC drug also know as the “Red Devil” on 4/7/22. The color is red and looks really weird going through the tube to my port. This drug was was the harshest on my hair, my white blood cells, caused fatigue and caused mouth sores. I am glad this part is over. I will have 4 more treatments of the drug Taxol. There will be different side effects with that regiment but I will deal with those later. My husband took me to treatment this time. They are still not allowing visitors during the actual treatment but he could stay with me through the pre-treatment appointment and carry all my stuff. I was very anxious before treatment and didn’t sleep well. I don’t know why I was so anxious this time. I knew what to expect but I think I was dreading the pain from the cold cap knowing how thin my hair is. Tim was encouraging and understanding and is always trying to make me smile. He knows when to just hold my hand because he knows he can’t fix it. I am thankful for his strength every day. I had a male nurse this time who was very good with accessing the port but not very talkative (the cream worked great again!). I was hoping to have one of the nurses I had previously who were chatty and calmed my nerves a bit. I also had my least favorite nurse for the treatment. She just seems really negative about everything. She is also the one who couldn’t believe I was even trying the cold cap on my drug regiment before I event started treatments. So the day didn’t start off great. The cold cap was a bit more uncomfortable this time. I think its because my hair is thinner and doesn’t give as much insulation. I used gauze to help cover this spots. I will continue to cold cap through taxol. It is not as hard on the hair and hopefully I will see some regrowth during the next 8 weeks.

There were a few positive things that happened. There was a mom there that was able to ring the bell with her husband and 2 small children watching. It was such a sweet moment to see. Of course I cried the entire time. Most of the cancer center is filled with people who are older than me and it always breaks my heart to see younger women going through this. Also, I shared the Paxman machine with a young woman who was there for her first treatment with her husband. Her cap didn’t arrive in time so she had to borrow one from the center. I offered to help her with the fitting and was able to answer some of her questions. The nurse was talking about how many more patients were choosing to cold cap and it was starting to cause scheduling issues. She saw it as a negative but I definitely think it is a positive. When I arrived home I received a delivery from my best friend from Edible Arrangements to commemorate completing 50% of my treatments. Thank you to the Rutledge Family! Love you all!